How Romance Fraud Hijacks Your Brain Chemistry
Anna Rowe, fraud survivor and co-founder of LoveSaid, explains why romance fraud works and why it’s important to change the language people use to talk about it.
Episode 52: In this deeply personal and illuminating episode, Erin West sits down with Anna Rowe, U.K.-based survivor, advocate, and founder of Catch the Catfish and co-founder of LoveSaid. Anna explains the psychology behind romance fraud, using accessible, science-backed terms to show exactly why it works.
Anna was groomed online in 2015 by a man who ultimately turned out to be a lawyer living a secret double life. What began as a 14-month relationship left her questioning her own judgment for years afterward.
You don’t see anything wrong. All the red flags appear beige because of what’s going on in your body. — Anna Rowe, co-founder LoveSaid.org
Rather than stop at her own story, Anna channeled her experience into a decade of research, campaigning, and resource-building. She explains that romance fraud works not because victims are gullible, but because perpetrators use a calculated approach to exploit predictable human neurochemistry and psychology.
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From the dopamine flood of love bombing to the cortisol spikes of intermittent reinforcement, Anna outlines the biological and emotional mechanisms that leave victims compliant, confused, and blaming themselves.
Anna and Erin also tackle the systemic failures that prevent victims from healing, including the lack of training for banking staff, victim-blaming media headlines, and law enforcement’s slow adoption of trauma-informed language. Anna shares the free, practical tools available at LoveSaid.org, including the “Reclaiming Clarity” framework and training packages for police, banks, and other groups.
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5 Things You Need to Know about Romance Fraud
1. Romance fraud is a crime, not a mistake.
Perpetrators — whether individual predators like Anna's abuser or organized overseas criminal networks — follow a deliberate psychological script: grooming, love bombing, trauma bonding, and intermittent reinforcement. Understanding this sequence dismantles the myth that victims “should have known better.”
2. Scammers target the brain.
A person’s logical thinking is genuinely impaired when love bombing floods the body with dopamine and oxytocin at roughly three times the level of a normal relationship. Sustained cortisol spikes from manufactured emotional highs and lows keep victims in a “hot state” where red flags literally appear invisible. As Anna explains, “all the red flags appear beige.”
3. Language shapes accountability — and healing.
Phrases like “he fell for it,” “she gave away her money,” or “too good to be true” place blame on victims rather than criminals. Anna argues for deliberate language swaps.
Victims are targeted and exploited.
Money is stolen through deception.
Intervention should focus on reclaiming clarity — not breaking a spell.
4. Telling someone they're being scammed doesn’t work.
Confronting a victim directly triggers defensive responses and can push them further toward the perpetrator. It mirrors what happens when friends criticize a partner in a controlling relationship. A more effective approach is to plant seeds of doubt gently and allow victims to arrive at their own conclusions, which leads to significantly better healing outcomes.
5. The sunk-cost fallacy keeps victims trapped.
Once emotional and financial investment accumulates, a powerful cognitive bias tells victims that leaving means losing everything — and that staying might restore what was lost. Abusers and fraud criminals exploit this bias consciously, using it to extract more money and compliance long after a victim’s instincts have begun to raise doubts.
Whether someone has been a victim of online romance fraud or any victim of crime, it is never your fault. — Anna Rowe, co-founder LoveSaid.org.
Call to Action
Visit LoveSaid.org for in-depth toolkits on the psychology of romance fraud, a self-directed healing journey section, and guides tailored to bank staff, first responders, and friends and family of victims. Survivors of catfishing can also find support and resources at CatchTheCatfish.com.
Who Is Anna Rowe?
Anna Rowe is the founder of Catch the Catfish and co-founder of LoveSaid. She is a single mum and a primary school teacher who has helped victims of all types of romance fraud and catfishing since 2017. She conducts training sessions for law enforcement and other parties involved in romance fraud. She works to address the lack of education and understanding about these crimes that result in victim-blaming. She believes helping people understand how to support victims correctly is paramount.
With a commitment to lifelong learning, Anna researched and has educated herself about the criminals who destroy people’s lives. Recognized as a subject-matter expert, Anna raises awareness around all aspects of romance fraud, including:
The human nature of trust
How biochemistry works against victims
The psychology used in manipulations and the processes
Tricks and tools used by the criminals, including the rise in digital deception
Episode Chapters
00:00 Introduction to Anna Rowe and Romance Scams
03:53 Anna’s Personal Experience with Romance Fraud
07:36 Understanding Grooming, Love Bombing, and Trauma Bonding
13:06 The Psychological Impact and Aftermath of Romance Scams
23:34 The Role of Education and Support for Victims
28:47 Insights into Scamming Operations and Criminal Networks
34:31 The Formation of Love Said and Future Goals
34:33 Understanding Criminal Mindsets
37:21 Building Empathy in First Response
41:21 The Impact of Trauma on Victims
44:43 Human Biases and the Sunk Cost Fallacy
48:36 The Power of Language in Victim Narratives
54:59 Resources and Solutions for Victims
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Sponsors of Stolen
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